It was my client Jan who put words to a problem I see every day in older women.
Jan has always been a goer and a doer. She’s active, motivated, and health-conscious. As she’s got older, though, she’s run into some uncomfortable truths.
She doesn’t have the same energy anymore.
She still goes to the gym several times a week and recently started lifting heavier weights to “stay strong,” yet she feels constantly fatigued.
She’s always eaten well and taken pride in her figure, but now, no matter what she tries or how much she restricts her food, her weight keeps creeping up.
Frustrated and exhausted, she asked me, “Why isn’t this working?”
Jan’s story is far from unique.
Many menopausal women are doing everything they believe they should be doing. They follow wellness influencers, buy expensive supplements endorsed by celebrities, and faithfully stick to programs and protocols that promise results, but rarely deliver them.
This isn’t just costly and demoralising.
It’s also depriving women of one of the most powerful contributors to well-being.
Joy.
When Was the Last Time You Felt Real Joy?
Not happiness in the vague, “I suppose I’m fine” sense, but real joy.
Do you remember where you were?
Who you were with?
What you were doing?
Joy matters because it protects us from the wear and tear of a stressful life. It helps restore our mental, physical, and social health. Yet it barely gets a mention in the wellness world.
Instead, we’re told to push harder. Try more. Cut more out. Follow stricter rules.
And honestly? That gets exhausting.
I don’t know about you, but I find it a chore (and a bore) to force myself into activities I don’t enjoy or to feel guilty for eating certain foods because social media says they’re suddenly “bad.” This fear-based approach plays into the idea that unless we follow the crowd, we’re failing.
We beat ourselves up if we miss a gym session.
We feel ashamed if we enjoy a drink with friends after swearing off alcohol.
We push and push, until stress hormones rise, sleep suffers, and injuries appear.
That’s not health.
That’s punishment.
Health Is Bigger Than Diet and Exercise
True health isn’t just physical or mental. It includes:
- Emotional health – feeling in control, resilient, and able to cope
- Social health – because we are wired for connection, and loneliness hurts
- Spiritual health – feeling connected to something bigger than ourselves, with purpose and meaning
A healthier, happier life doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from small, positive habits applied consistently – habits that fit your real life and genuinely make you feel good.
There is no single “right” way to be healthy.
Only your way.
What Jan Was Missing
Jan was doing all the “right things”, but she’d squeezed out the things that brought her pleasure.
So, we changed that.
She started:
- Going to the movies with friends
- Giving herself permission to have quiet days at home, pottering and resting without guilt
- Joining a walking group, discovering new trails and new friendships
- Savouring small pleasures, like her first cuppa of the day
- Prioritising sleep above everything else
- Letting go of distractions that no longer mattered
- Slowing down to notice beauty in ordinary moments
- Practising gratitude for what was already good in her life
Nothing dramatic.
Nothing extreme.
But everything meaningful.
Joy Is Not a Luxury, It’s a Health Strategy
Joy looks different for everyone. It’s often fleeting, sometimes intense, and usually arrives when we feel deeply connected to another person, to nature, or to a moment that matters.
Joy is linked to meaning.
It supports mental health.
It builds resilience and purpose.
As a lifestyle medicine practitioner, this is why I now ask my clients different questions:
- What matters to you, and how much does it matter?
- What would make the biggest difference to your energy, sleep, or stress?
- What do you need to let go of to get the results you want?
Yes, healthy eating, movement, sleep, social connection, and stress management all matter. But without laughter, pleasure, and moments of awe, we miss the very best part of wellbeing.
What brings you joy and how can you invite a little more of it into your life this week?
I’d love to hear what sparks joy for you.
Because sometimes, the most powerful medicine isn’t another rule, it’s permission to enjoy your life.
