My Mum was a wonderful social butterfly. She would (and did!) talk to anyone at any time. She was fascinated by other people, who they were, what they did and would seek out those threads of commonality.
But as she grew older and increasingly frail, she also became more deaf and less able to tune in to what was being said in conversations. She moved into an aged care facility, a beautiful home with wonderful staff. It was very comfortable and we as a family were delighted in the standard of care she was receiving.
But we noticed she wasn’t making new friends. She would sit in her room or the common area, reading the paper, making no attempt to interact with the other residents. It was obvious she was becoming very lonely. She said, she had no one to talk to, but the issue was she could no longer interact socially, because of her deafness.
As adults it can get harder to make maintain or make new friends. We lose touch with people when they move to a new area or become absorbed in a new job or hobby making them less available.
Friendships too naturally wax and wane. What can help is to do what Mel Robbins author of “Let Them” suggests. She suggests not to get caught up in feeling abandoned or being a failed friend. You’re not. It’s just that life and circumstances, time and energy can get in the way.
How often have you said to someone “we must catch up!” but then realise your social calendars aren’t going to align for months! With everyone so busy all the time, the need to ensure you are maintaining your social network has never been more important.
Small Steps to Create Social Connection
An extrovert can find it easier to speak up and break the social ice in a room of new people. An introvert less so, but it’s still achievable with practice.
Introverts may adopt a different tactic to their extroverted friends. Do what works for you! You might like to find someone you’d be happy to spend a few minutes talking to rather than flitting from one person to the next. Look for someone you sense is like you, and approachable. If it doesn’t work, rather than telling yourself “I suck at this” remember as an introverts it’s about managing your energy. We don’t always connect with a new person. That’s normal. Just move on to the next. Finding the right person for what feels a normal conversation can take time and practice.
If you are naturally shy, taking a small outward step like smiling or saying hello to your neighbour, asking the checkout person in the supermarket how they are, or asking a question of someone you work with can help you develop greater self-confidence and reduce the fear of being judged or seen as an “outsider.”
The need to belong is a human trait.
As I’ve written about before, it’s essential to our health and wellbeing.
That’s why it’s important to stay connected with our friends and family. Feeling socially isolated can lead to increasing social withdrawal, and symptoms of anxiety or depression.
Belonging is not the same as fitting in.
“He’ll be a good fit for the team.”
What does that mean?
That they’ll wear the team uniform, that they’ll conform to the way of thinking or doing of the group?
Or does it imply the requirement to adapt to being the same as the rest of the team, even if that means masking your true self or identity to feel safe and fly under the radar.
As Brene Brown says fitting in is about performance. This is hard work, potentially anxiety provoking and can be exhausting.
When the comment is,
“He belongs to the team.”
Here the individual is being recognised for who they are, and the qualities and values that they bring.
In this scenario Brown defines belonging as authenticity.
How much better does it feel to know you’re in the right place, with the right people and that you belong?
Building Social Connection is Everyone’s Responsibility
I say this at a time when social connection feels like it’s splintering.
With so much horror, war and bloodshed spreading like a virus around the world, this is the time to stay connected, to build bridges with others and to remember the positive power that comes from sharing a moment of kindness, expressing gratitude and showing you care.
The WHO Commission on Social Connection reminds us that social connection is a critical component of public health.
Yet, here in Australia, one in six people are experiencing loneliness and more frighteningly, up to 43% of young people aged 15 to 25 report feeling lonely.
There are many contributing factors.
If you’ve ever experienced loneliness, what made it so for you?
Physical or mental illness.
This can make it harder to leave your home, or maybe you’ve been stuck in hospital for weeks.
Low neighbourhood cohesion.
Do you feel safe walking in your neighbourhood?
Do you have access to a green or blue space nearby?
Do you have the opportunity to interact with neighbours?
Do your friends live close by?
Do you feel ‘different’ from those around you?
Is language a barrier?
Lack of family.
Do you have family nearby?
Do you have a good relationship with other family members?
Have you felt unsupported or cared about by your family?
Financial strain.
Is money an issue?
Is the high cost of living no longer allowing you to socially interact with friends?
Have you found it hard to get a job or find work that feels meaningful?
It might seem crazy, but feeling lonely in a crowd is very real.
While loneliness appears to be a personal issue. The repercussions for us as a society are staggering.
The annual health care costs associated with loneliness in Australia stands at $2.7 billion dollars.
Why so much?
Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of heart disease and stroke by 17% and 23% respectively. Loneliness is a chronic stressor leading to greater levels of inflammation in the body that predispose to chronic disease including poor heart health, as well as anxiety and depression.
This is why the University of Sydney is calling out for a National Loneliness Strategy.
March 26th is Social Prescribing Day, a day to reflect on what each of us can do to build social connection and reduce loneliness.
Things you can do include,
1. Reach out.
This is about nurturing existing relationships. Just as when we lived through those lockdowns during Covid. It’s about checking in on your neighbour, scheduling a catch up with a friend or phoning a family member you haven’t spoken to in a while.
2. Choose to engage.
Whether you play a team sport or belong to a club, it’s all about doing rather than thinking about it. Volunteering your time on a regular basis is a great way to create new connections as well as providing you purpose and meaning. Getting out to an event facilitates the chance of running into someone you know, or meeting someone new.
3. Prioritise face-to-face interaction.
Social media has its advantages and can promote social connection, but nothing beats going eyeball to eyeball to deepen that personal interaction. Rather than doomscrolling, which can add to the sense of disconnection and FOMO, switch off from your social feed and do something that boosts your mood, like sharing your current favourite music with a friend, or go out for a walk, smile and say hello to a person you pass by (when appropriate!).
Social connection is just one of the pillars of Lifestyle Medicine. We prioritise social connection because it is such a powerful determinant of well-being, which is why lifestyle practitioners, whether your GP, physio, nutritionist, psychologist, specialist or other allied health provider want to know,
“What keeps you well?”
“Who do you have in your life that provides you social support.”
Because when you have someone who knows you, cares about you and can offer support, it not only makes you feel better, but it’s also the first step to overcoming loneliness, improving your health and well-being, and overall quality of life.
Finding a social prescribing link worker through your GP is becoming easier. We’re seeking funding to make them more available. They may also be a health coach, a volunteer or charity worker, basically someone who will listen to you, help you discover what you enjoy the most in terms of social activities and help connect you with the best support.
To find out more, here is a link to ASPIRE, the Australian Social Prescribing Institute of Research and Education.
I’d love to know, how has being socially connected helped you stay healthy and well?
