I’m sure you’ve heard the stats.
One in five of us will experience a mental health challenge in any given year.
Forty-seven percent of us will experience some form of mental health challenge over the course of our lives.
But beyond the stats reminding us just how common dealing with mental health challenges is, the thing that I find most distressing, is just how alone someone dealing with their mental health can feel.
As a GP I was closely involved with many patients dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD, psychosis and burnout.
Every person shared how alone they felt. They were lost, isolated by their disordered thinking
As someone who has lived through depression, anxiety and burnout, I know exactly how awful that feels.
Worse too, is the realisation as you recover that not only were your thoughts all over the place, but how discordant they were to reality.
For women this can be like the days when the dreaded PMT strikes, when our personality changes (and not for the better). I would be snarky, snappy and not a nice person to be around for those few days.
Even though I knew it was due to my hormones, there was nothing I could do except sit it out and apologise (again) to my nearest and dearest who always copped it the most.
Perhaps you’ve noticed how when stuck in negativity, rumination and despair, you no longer see blue sky or the possibility of good outcomes. Everything takes on a grey hue that colours your world inside and out.
That stark shift from where you’ve just been, to be back to your “normal,” whatever that looks like, is scary, because it’s a warning of just how much we are at peril from our own thoughts, at risk of doing something that others would deem “stupid,” but to us at that time appear not only totally logical, but the only course open to us.
Which is why I believe so strongly in the power of having the right social support.
When we are no longer alone, we cope better. We think more clearly and rationally, and we can take the first tentative steps to getting back on our feet.
We all need someone we can talk to, who will get where we’re coming from, who will sit and just listen, without judgment and without trying to fix things for us.
We don’t need fixing, we want to be heard and understood.
That, in itself, can make the biggest difference to our recovery.
But I get it, putting your hand up to ask for help is hard.
I hate doing it too, though I’m getting better with practice.
What I’ve learned is that those closest to us are only too willing to offer support, it’s just they don’t always know what would be most useful or how to offer.
This is where your guidance comes in.
When you have a support team in place, and yes, it’s preferable to have more than one person, it provides everyone with greater peace of mind.
It helps you, because you’re not struggling alone.
The quiet question “How are you going?” tells you that the other person not only sees you but wants to know a) you’re OK and b) they are here to help.
I treasure those who know me well enough to pick up the early signs and are instantly there to help.
It’s the offer of a coffee catch-up.
Or a walk in a local park or bushland.
Or an invitation to supper.
When seeking to develop your support team, start by asking,
Who in my friendship group do I trust the most?
If a friend isn’t available, who else in your social contacts is available?
This could include a work colleague, a family member, or your health practitioner.
Remember, support relationships have to be nurtured like any other.
It’s not a question of set and forget.
I consider myself very blessed to have an amazing couple of people in my own support group, and also to be trusted by others for when they need to talk, to be heard and supported in their time of need.
We are social beings and flourish in the company of those we see as like us, and that we like.
No one sets out to feel lonely, and it’s something most of us would not freely admit to.
This week I’m setting out on a walk with Coastrek, a 20 km hike along part of the beautiful Cape to Cape walk in the SW of our State. I’ll be in the company of 1200 other women walking the same path – no chance of feeling lonely!
We’re raising money for Beyond Blue, the charity that seeks to raise awareness of mental health and offers a variety of programs and education to assist those recovering from mental illness.
Every donation counts, so if this is something you’d like to support, you can do so here.
So, what do you do to manage those times when life feels a challenge, you’re feeling alone and that no one else gets what you’re going through?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
